It is that time of year again. Well, okay, so this particular time only comes once every four years. No, I’m not talking about leap year. Also, what the hell? That day happens in February, how are you surviving if you’re thinking we’re in a different year? That’s actually kind of impressive. No, it’s election season. The exciting one that means you can’t avoid political crap no matter where you go. Everyone wants to know if you’re going to vote Douchebag or TurdSandwhich, will hate you if you vote differently from them, and we all wonder why there are only two choices. Yes, we know there’s the third party but when’s the last time someone actually went with that, hmm? It’s the same as ordering a salad from Dominos. Technically it’s an option but if you go for it everyone is going to wonder what the hell you’re thinking because pizza.
What doesn’t get talked about so much during this time of year is the down ticket stuff. Mostly because it isn’t nearly as interesting as trying to make a new something-gate. This year there have been so many scandals and ‘campaign killers’ that you have to wonder why it took this long to get the undead into politics. Clearly they do very well there. And while everyone is really happy to talk about how TurdSandwich and Douchbag are hurting or helping those down ticket, no one seems to be stopping to actually look down ticket for the sake of actually seeing what their choices are or making informed decisions.
Why the hell is this occurring to me now? Great question people. Keep asking questions. You have the best questions, you know, I love questions. There’s one thing I love, it’s questions. Now I have… believe me I have questions.
Okay I couldn’t resist. We’re talking about this now because the early voting ballots have already been mailed out. People are voting now, have voted, and are going to be doing that whole democrazy thing from now until they announce the winner and subsequently that hell has frozen over for one reason or another. Which means this is the only chance I have for a soapbox. No, not a literal soapbox. That sounds slippery. Metaphorical, guys. A metaphorical soap box.
A lot of people apparently just vote straight down the ticket. Someone has the right color associated with their name? Cool. Guys, I thought you said you didn’t see color. What? The ballots aren’t color coded? Fuck. Okay. Well my meaning stands. Blindly voting for people because they say they’re with a party is really crazy. I can say I didn’t have brownies for breakfast and it’s just as true as what they’re saying. They were delicious brownies and party affiliation on ballots is just what the candidate wants beside their name. Don’t trust candidates who don’t eat brownies. So, don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like brownies, and assume all of the people you see on the ballot don’t like brownies. Look them up and make sure they aren’t just politely taking the dessert before throwing it away.
Ohhhh, but that takes time and effort and you don’t want to do that? Tough shit. This is the one thing you are asked to do for your country. This is literally it. Okay, so taxes exist. Stop ruining my melodrama. We don’t have compulsory service, so you don’t have to go give up years of your life for the place. Hell, they don’t even punish you if you don’t vote. However, it is the one responsibility that you have as a citizen. Sit down, look shit up, vote. Don’t shut up – talk. Talk about what you think and who you like or don’t like and why. Get multiple perspectives and really engage yourself in all of this rare insanity.
What’s that? Blah blah unfair you can be drafted? Yea, that’s true. Guess who decides if there’s a draft? The people that get elected by these votes you better be participating in.
Look, I get it. Voting isn’t sexy. It’s sitting and filling out a bubble, then choosing between another set of non-perfect choices to fill out another bubble. They even make you use a boring pen. I want to use a lime green pen, but nooooo. Black pens only, no doodling, and you can’t vote for two choices on one issue. The rules suck. The thing is that our votes really do matter. Sometimes the local stuff (you know, what we don’t actually bother voting on, or you don’t research because time) comes down to a few hundred people. Think about that. What if it comes down to just your facebook friends?
Wait. Shit guys. It’s… I have maybe 200 of you on my facebook. That means it could be down to you. We’re fucked. I need more brownies.
Bottom line is, if you can vote you need to. It’s your responsibility as a citizen. Also people who don’t vote don’t get laid. Just a thing I heard. Not saying it’s true, I’m just saying.